I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
