a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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