How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
