Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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