people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize