It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
