My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
