We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
