That's intense
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
