Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
