I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
