Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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