she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
