So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
