Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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