Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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