I didn't shave. On purpose
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
