My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
