friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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