I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
