she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
