i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
