it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
