am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
