Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
