Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
