i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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