Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
