Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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