When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
