But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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