It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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