gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
