1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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