Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize