She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
