do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
