everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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