We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
