So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
