dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
