i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
did you just send me my own nude
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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