this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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