Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
