Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
