He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love you. Go after that dick
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
