Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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