yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
