I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
