Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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