you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
