I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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