Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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