I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
