DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
