New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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