Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
last night I used snow as a chaser
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