i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
