dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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