he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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