Sry I called you an 8
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
