I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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