I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
