And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
