help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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