Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
