I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
