you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
