I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
