we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
