i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
