Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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