I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
