Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do vagina's smell?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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