Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
