dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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