I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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