Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize