Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
BRING THE BAGELS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
